Focus

A few weeks back, I got a new car.

My 2008 Ford Focus finally went.  With more than 149,000 miles on it – I’d say I got my money’s worth.

Though, I can’t say that I always treated it like it was worth anything.

It was the first new car I ever owned, but at the time, I didn’t really care too much about or for it.

I was busy.

Busy with work.  Busy with Briggs.  Busy getting from point A to point B.  And the Focus was literally, just a vehicle to get me wherever I was so hastily going.

The Focus was a mobile office.  A cafeteria.  A trash can.

But, it was also a lifesaver.

Soon after my diagnosis of Depression and General Anxiety Disorder, and my employer’s approval of a short-term leave – I crashed the Focus into a parking post.

I wasn’t texting.  I wasn’t talking.  Hell, I wasn’t even listening to the radio.  I just wasn’t paying attention.  Certainly wasn’t present, and couldn’t even see what was truly right in front of me.

I was shaken, but not really hurt.  The car was damaged, but not entirely broken.  And it was painfully clear that I did need a long and meaningful break.

The Focus stayed with me throughout my leave.  Hung on long enough to get me back and forth from therapy – from Reiki- from yoga and much needed visits with my family.

It held on until I found the strength to get back on the road to my joy and happiness.

And once I was on my way, it just very gently let go.  Gave me a clear sign just a few miles from home that it was time to turn around and take the keys out of the ignition for the last time.

And that’s just what I did.

Tonight, when I pulled back in my drive in my brand new 2016 Subaru Impreza (that I truly intend on loving our whole time through together) – I caught a glimpse of my lovely bruised Focus.  Only a few days now before she’ll be hauled away…

And for the very first time in our nearly eight-year relationship, her name isn’t lost on me.

Focus.

That’s what that little commuter car taught me how to do.  It’s how she saved me.

And I’ll continue to honor all of her worthy lessons by keeping my Focus on this practice of love and gratitude.

 

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