Precious Depression

Wednesday, November 25

I usually write these posts a day late.  Giving me an entire day to reflect on the day that was, before sitting down and sharing with you.

But, this morning, no such time is needed.

This will be my last post until Sunday.

Not because I need a break.  I don’t.  I love this.  But, rather because I am committed to being completely present with my family over the Thanksgiving holiday, which for me means that writing will be limited to paper, pen, and hand.

Besides, I’ve been thinking about this post for awhile now.

On this, the Eve of Thanksgiving, what I am most grateful for is my Depression.

The first time I said this out-loud, the person I was talking with asked me to walk him through this…so, walk with me:

Prior to this exploration I was consumed with competition.  Everything I did was about going further, pushing harder, getting more and NEVER, never giving in.

I was still kind.  Responsible.  Open, in moments.  But, I was missing out on grace.  I felt burdened by the weight of wanting.  Suffocated by the obligation of obligation.  Invisible to my own joy.

I didn’t create.  I couldn’t be present.  And I believed it wouldn’t get better.

I was wrong.

I have not “fought” my way back.  I’ve loved it.  My Depression has taught me how to love me – which has showed me how to be open to others.  I am filled with love, empathy, and acceptance.

I am a better Mother than I have ever been.  More in love with my husband (after more than 11 years of being a couple), than I have ever been.  I am more connected to my parents, more thankful for my sisters,  more in awe of every connection.

I am here.  Now.  In gratitude to my precious Depression.

So here’s to giving thanks to all our parts that make us whole.

Let’s keep loving them…even when we can’t see where that love might take us.  Have faith and lots of light.

Blessings to you and yours.  Happy Thanksgiving.

jake

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